Back to School Tips for Parents

TEENS PARENTS and TEACHERS BLOG; 8/19/19

Sheila LeGrand, LMHC

The first day of school is already upon us. After a long summer of extreme weather and, perhaps, extreme boredom and moods by our teens, it’s critical to start thinking of ways to set them on a path of success for the new school year. According to the Cleveland Clinic, the top four drivers of teen socioemotional health are Self-esteem, Peer pressure, Tobacco, drugs and alcohol, and sexual behavior. Here are a few tips for positive strategies to bolster up your teen’s readiness.

Self-esteem. While a complete self-esteem overhaul may not be achievable within this time frame, we can help foster healthier self-image and self-esteem by increasing opportunities where they are positively affirmed.

1. Communicate positive regards for your teen

This may be easier said than done. It can be challenging to be affirming when there are such strong differences of opinion on everything from fashion choices to social media activity. However, it is important to stack the deck on the positive side. Let’s agree more than we disagree. Be a stickler for the essentials, but go with the flow on the not-so-crucials. Be proactive in giving genuine praise and positive feedback to your teen.

2. Find a new “Just Us” activity

A study comparing teen adjustment levels versus parental relationship found that teens who experience more positive quality of relationship with their parents tended to show less disruptions in their adjustment over time. Spend quality time with your teen is essential to developing a strong relationship. Keep it simple and enjoyable. If need be, let them pick the activity and make it a priority. Read more: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2754764/#R3

Peer Pressure. For all the good that can come from peer pressure, it is most often used for nefarious purposes. A 2016 UNCEF report ranked suicide as the leading cause of death for girls 15-19 worldwide. Much of this phenomenon is attributable to cyber-bulling and social pressure. However, teens who have developed a strong sense of self are less vulnerable to peer pressure. To reinforce a positive sense of self…

1. Enhance competence

Reduce teens’ susceptibility to peer pressure by increasing positive engagements. Sports and the arts are great outlets for teens to explore their talents and skills. The innumerable options of activities allow uniquely talented teens to find their niche. Do explore other not-so-mainstream pursuits. It only takes a few enthusiasts to drum up interest in a new endeavor. Read more: https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-014-0225-5

2. Augment their experiential palate

The lure of the taboo and new “cool thing” is irresistible for most, let alone impressionable teens who crave belonging and acceptance. Parents can offset the fatal attractions by adopting a more adventurous lifestyle as a family. Part with routine from time to time and do something out of the norm. Be as adventurous as you and your teen can handle. Even esoteric interests can be a great source of enjoyment. Increase the possibilities!

Tobacco, drugs and alcohol. The legalization of medical and recreational marijuana has caused an explosion of CBD-based products on the market, from edibles to topical products to vape oils. While very little is known about the long-term effects of cannabis use on brain-development, the current target market for many CBD products is below the legal age for consumption. Tobacco has gone nearly undetectable with vape pens that can pass a regular flash drive. What does your teen believe about drugs?

1. Tell the truth

This can be an uncomfortable conversation for parents whose glory days included occasional or even regular marijuana use. However, it is not hypocritical to caution teens about a substance whose potency and purity can’t always be ascertained. Teens who engage in marijuana use at home are likely to do so outside of home, with friends and friends of friends, AKA strangers. In those environments’ chances are that they will come in contact with products that have been laced with dangerous chemicals. In addition, studies are pointing to a correlation between schizophrenia and marijuana use in teens. The interference of drugs in the development of the growing brain pose serious risks to healthy regulation in the long term. We need to have honest conversations with our teens on the nitty gritty of drugs. Read more: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/17/health/cannabis-marijuana-schizophrenia.html

2. Be an example

No message is stronger than our actual example in the home. If we are serious about teens delaying or eschewing substance use, we must be ready to examine our own. Adult alcohol use may be a normal activity. However, the constant presence of alcohol in the home can communicate a different message: that it is the only way to have fun or to relax. It would certainly be hypocritical to embrace one drug while attacking another. Being consistent in our message regarding drug use, be it alcohol, tobacco or marijuana uncomplicates the task.

Sexual Behavior. The conversation about sex has evolved beyond the birds and bees. According to an article in the Lancet Journal, “sexual partners have an important influence on behavior in general” and have a significant impact on social wellbeing. As such, the risks are real and many for teens who are misinformed about sex. Moreover, social media has made it is increasingly easier for teens to be sexually trafficked without their parents ever realizing. As parents we need to be upfront with teens about the short and long-term impacts of sexual activity. Read more: https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(06)69662-1

1. Have clear values

The decision regarding when, with whom and under what circumstances they will engage in sexual activity need to be formulated long before they face the question. Consequently, parents need to invest the time to engage is frank talk about popular ideologies and attitudes regarding sex and examine the pros and cons of each. Encourage your teen to have an individual and personal philosophy of sex derived from their own value system and identity in order to reject pressure to conform.

2. Plan for safety

Regardless of the outcome of the discussion on sexual values, parents do best by communicating to teens that they can almost always recover from a bad decision. Young girls for example are often victimized through blackmail by ex-partners who threaten to publicize inappropriate pictures. This public shaming can lead to depression, self-harming behaviors and even suicide attempts. Have a policy of openness to facilitate communication with your teen. The most important thing you can do in these moments to help rebuild their self-esteem and try keep them safe.